How to summon demons?

Q:I didn’t know Atheists could summon demons. I want me some some succubus action.

A: Demons should be easy, since Christians think any mass-produced spooky trinket can summon Satan, even an Ouija board. The easiest way is probably to throw together your leftover decorations from Halloween and pray to Satan. But if you want to decorate your house in a way that will ward off the missionaries, Christmas carolers, charity seekers, and Ned Flanders, you need to do some shopping to turn your room into this:

lucid dreams

Someday a Christian might have a dream where a demon that looks like you calls you the demon, and tries to exorcise you with an incantation, “in the name of Christ.”

I always laugh when a Christians take their dreams seriously as the work of malevolent powers. Many say they had sleep paralysis because of a demon, or they met a demon in a dream, and prayed for it to go away; however all things are possible in a dream. I might be able to make an interesting scenario, since I have been able to lucid dream.

Lucid dreams (明晰夢)

A lucid dream is simply a dream where you are aware you are dreaming, and you can control it to some extent. Usually when I realize I’m dreaming, the dream doesn’t last much longer than a minute before I wake up, (my reasoning is that awareness continually stimulates the brain until it wakes up.) I’ve also sometimes slipped into another dream, and lost control of the dream, and the awareness that I was dreaming, which seems to be the only way for me to keep dreaming. Other people have learned to lucid dream much better than I can, and can go for five minutes or more, or to have multiple lucid dreams in a night.

What separates this from a daydream, is it feels much more vivid, and your imagination conjures images, events, settings and characters with less effort. It’s a lot like playing a hyperrealistic video game, because whenever you look at something, your brain tells yourself you’re looking at a real object.