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Snapshot of life in a boring place

April 11, 2017

I took my dog for a walk today, and dogs really are gross. He’d lick up dog urine, dog shit, and spit wads on the grass if I let him. I don’t like dogs as much as I used to, especially not my dog. By contrast, I like my dog and even her name pleases me now, and I can’t say it without wanting to smile a little since I associate her with love which is about all that she ever gives me.

Apart from that I feel trapped in a cycle of emotional poverty, and bored out of my mind. I thought about writing an escapist fantasy today about a female archer in a forest, but I decided I didn’t have the energy to start writing another stupid story that I probably won’t have the inspiration or energy to finish. It’s hard to write things right now, apart from philosophical or political mumbo-jumbo. Once I get abroad maybe I can write stories again. I so long to walk down a snowy city street with soft uplifting jazz music in my ears, perhaps in the company of someone I care about, and to go hiking to a place overlooking civilization where I can dance, sing, and be a wild individual.
Whenever I get abroad I will eat a sort of salad of cut up apples and bananas every morning. When I walk on Sundays I will wear a cool cloak or poncho of some kind, or maybe cross-dress if I want to show I’m free.
There are no atheist meet-ups near where I live, which i long to visit, but there are countless churches and slaves who uglify my city with Christian spam in the form of brochures hung from countless street lamps and on undecorated trees. There are no festivals, no origami, no fun at all, and I’m tired of the food and find it hard to even think about being vegan at restaurants.

 

I am long due to live abroad, and as I cough everyday, possibly due to allergies or toxins in the air, and try to ignore the mosquito in my ear, I feel like I might not have many years left. If that’s the case, I really do need to go abroad. To be totally free is the reoccurring dream that grips me and is the object of my fantasies. I hope I’ll find the courage soon to wake up, study, and apply myself to the competitive overseas job market so I can escape from this hell of boredom and same-faces.