I think the hardest thing in life is often to keep going at things that seem quite impossible. I fond two new books at the “local book depot”, and found I’ve forgotten the characters for “kireii” or beautiful. I cannot remember the book I read about Eastern Washington state when I was in 4th grade, which isn’t surprising given how many years have passed.
Realistically I might not ever learn all those kanji, and more importantly remember them. Maybe I have too much ADHD, but more importantly I’m not motivated enough, and my circumstances don’t give me any deep reasons to learn them. I don’t have a spouse waiting for me in Japan, I’m not really proud of some kind of Japanese heritage, I don’t have a great job waiting for me there, and I’m unimpressed with the skepticism towards intellectualism that passes for deep literature there as they glorify the intuitive (read: empty spiritualism/mysticism.)
And as I age, the “cool things” (of Japan, though I say this universally also) become less relevant, especially as I know I’ll stop being cool and can’t be some glorious hipster when I’m 60 years old.
It’s really hard to study the kanji for more than a few minutes without wanting to go up and go home, which I guess I’ll do today. Sigh…Learning is a grind and I don’t know if I can even remember what I study. But…if you’ll give yourself a chance to study like a diligent scholar maybe I can be a hero, iie, a legend that never dies.
It would be so great if I could just boost my working Japanese vocabulary by 100 useful phrases. And then maybe even learn 1000 kanji.
If there’s ever evidence I’m really moving to Japan, and that I can actually retire there, I think it will be a hell of a lot easier to study my ass off, so let’s procure some of that evidence asap.