End of June:
I had a “teaching dream” today – in it my mom came in with a tomatoes sliced on a cutting board to give to my aunt. Then she saw them and instead offered it to me to put in my room “to clean the air,” (as she thinks sliced citrus does.)
I realized that there are multiple little thoughts a person can have, and then a single stimulus causes one of them to triumph over the others. That there is a never ending stream of volatile thoughts –
-Ah, volition, that’s a word Jefferson used, and I really ought to read more of his philosophical works- Wait, notice that interruption?
Volatile thoughts gradually build off of one another. Doesn’t this explain neatly the origin of emergent thought? My cat then strolled by – enslaved to her moods and conditioned instinct, she reinforced the message.
The problem is habits form easily; and as you get older your nerves calcify. You lose spontaneity.
In the dream I thought all of this. I took a good look at myself in the mirror, and tried to make a face that had the resolve to go and do my lifelong dream. But I wanted my volition to break through my bad habits.
I threw my keys against the wall as hard as I could. (If I really think about it, the keys are symbolic of something I always carry with me by habit.)
When I woke up I immediately threw an empty water bottle at the same wall to make that part of the dream “really happen” so I wouldn’t forget. To drill into myself the lesson that spontaneity will be more and more necessary to break out of my old habits as I get older. And to thank my other self, my parallel unconscious self for thoughtfully engaging me with a few lessons, rather than just amusing myself in another stupid dream fantasy.