make a prayer to God thread

   

 
Make a prayer to God thread
My fundie cousin doesn’t know I’m Atheist. She likes to nudge me at family reunions and say ‘I want to hear you pray!’ and I tell her I’d rather that you do it. My fantasy is to close my eyes and lead in prayer….
“Dear God,
Thank you oh ominpotent one for not sending my family to hell yet, and for giving us time to prepare this food which you didn’t give us. Thank you oh omniscient one for providing a book of lulz to mislead your followers, to make Earth fun. But could you please troll them even harder…pretty please?
Also, please stock my room in hell with unlimited chilled coconuts, A/C, plumbing, easy sluts and a king sized bed, so I won’t regret eternity. It’s the least you can do, for all the self-righteous shit you put me through. Thanks.
Please share your mysterious ways to my family so they may laugh at you too. Let us know why you enjoy the sight of mutilated boys’ dicks, and the smell of charred flesh. Tell my family what purpose you had in murdering my cousin when he was 2 months old, and my best friend when he was only 16? Why did you allow 2 of my family members to die of excruciatingly slow cancer? Thanks, I appreciate it.
Finally, please make it so Atheists won’t need to have anything to do with you in eternity. You’ve been a real jerk we wouldn’t want to be friends with. May you burn in your own hell forever.
Fuck you,
Amen.”
Then I’d put my hand over my heart with a look of relief and say, “It sure felt good to have a nice long chat with God.”

(Now it’s your turn to pray.)

  

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